I have to preface today’s blog by telling you that what I’m about to say doesn’t come easy. It is the result of a LOT of tears and a LOT of loneliness, doubt, confusion, and an overwhelming amount of fear. At least for me, anyways. I’m not going to get into that aspect of the journey tonight, but I don’t want you to think that the process of rebuilding yourself is an easy one. It’s not. But in my case (and in many other people like me, too) it is truly the most rewarding and freeing feeling…to design your life the way you dream it to be. To not live life wishing, but to live life doing. I hope you hear my heart and are inspired to fly, my beautiful friends!
I want to talk to you tonight about rebuilding yourself when you don’t like what you see. Let me back track a little bit for you, so you can understand where I was. Two years ago I was unhappy in most areas of my life. I was in a relationship that didn’t seem like it was going anywhere. We didn’t talk. We weren’t healthy. God wasn’t present in our home. I worked a job that I disliked. I felt like I was a valuable asset to my work, yet I never heard much from my colleagues except for negativity. It was exhausting and depleted my energy. Everyday I pulled up into work wondering if that feeling was just part of life. Was I supposed to just deal with it?
Beyond all of this, I hated my body. I didn’t like what I saw when I looked in the mirror. It took me A LONG TIME to get ready for ANYTHING because nothing “fit right.” But oddly enough, instead of working out and eating better, I would drown my sorrows in more fried, fatty food and tons and tons of beer. It was ridiculous and embarrassing how much Miller Lite this little frame could hold. And at the end of the night, I would secretly hit up McDonald’s on my way home to help prevent a rough hang-over in the morning. I lived life recklessly, to say the least. I lived a long period of time pretending. Pretending I enjoyed my life. Pretending I was “OK.”

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